| Cold shoulders are like a virus in your marriage. They | | | | Giving your spouse a little time by waiting until you are |
| just spring up automatically especially when feelings | | | | sitting down for dinner or after the kids are in bed will |
| get hurt or expectations are unmet. Cold shoulders | | | | limit other issues from complicating the process. |
| rarely help. They usually drain a marriage, and do it | | | | In a quiet moment you can mention that you notice by |
| quickly. Here's the run down on this marriage sickness, | | | | their quietness and ask if something must be bothering |
| and how to find relief. | | | | them. If you know that work or finances or |
| Causes- Cold shoulders don't just happen. They | | | | relationships are taxing on them, then ask how it is |
| develop from offenses, attitudes and even sometimes | | | | going. |
| outside forces. I even had a dream one time that my | | | | Don't forget to be patient. Your spouse may not be |
| wife was leaving me for someone else. I woke up hurt | | | | ready to talk. Be supportive and ready to listen. If it is |
| and angry which caused me to pull away from her | | | | taking more time than it should, which varies by person, |
| emotionally. | | | | then you can begin to talk about how you would like to |
| If your spouse offends you with words or by being | | | | help, but you cannot while they keep silent. |
| thoughtless, you tend to pull away. You might even be | | | | Prevention- The cold shoulder is sometimes just a |
| going through some kind of stress at work or | | | | typical response from an internal personality. If you and |
| financially which could cause you to internalize your | | | | your spouse are not typically internal, then it is a tactic- |
| thoughts and be less relational. | | | | not a healthy one by the way. |
| Recognizing what causes you and your spouse to pull | | | | I know some couples that have a regular marriage |
| away from each other will help you to act or react | | | | meeting. They get together weekly and have a |
| differently under the same circumstances next time | | | | designated time to address issues and concerns in |
| avoiding further trouble relationally. | | | | their relationship. |
| Remedies- There are time in which you need to give | | | | You can prevent the cold shoulder setting a regular |
| your spouse some space, and there comes a time in | | | | time of communication together and by choosing to be |
| which you need to approach the problem. The trick is | | | | open about what you are feeling. The game of "guess |
| getting the timing right. | | | | what's making me mad," is terribly frustration and |
| Jumping in immediately with a question like, "Why are | | | | destructive to your marriage. |
| you ignoring me?" might make the problem worse. | | | | |